Planting Seeds

It has been a month since little Evan left our home. After his worker stopped his family visits, his behavior became worse than it had been since coming to our home. He was throwing tantrums that lasted for hours where he would scream, bang his head against the wall, and throw things. We were also getting bad reports from school, everything there had become a struggle there like it was at home.

As I have said before, having this chaos brings on stress for the whole family. Our daughter was complaining of stomach pain and nausea. The last two weeks he was with us, the stress was really taking a toll on my body. I went to the doctor to make sure I didn’t have hepatitis A, since there are so many cases reported right now. I was vomiting every day and had diarrhea. I was negative for hepatitis A. My doctor said she believed it was stress related.

Three days after Evan left, all of my symptoms were gone. He was going to respite until a bed opened for him at the residential facility. I have not heard anything from his worker since he left. They are not obligated to tell me anything.

Every day I think about him. I wonder what he’s doing. I wonder if he thinks about us. I wonder if we made any impression on him at all. My hope is that we planted a little seed in him that will continue to grow throughout his life.

As a mother, I feel like I failed him. I know that I tried but I really thought I was going to be the one that didn’t give up. Admitting that I was not able to fully help him or handle his outbursts hurts my heart.

Author: fosteringhearts15

Since becoming a foster family in 2015, I have thought about keeping a journal. Every placement is different and I always wish I had tracked our journey. Follow our story as we learn together about behavior disorders and how love can change all things.

One thought on “Planting Seeds”

  1. You don’t know me…and all I know about you is what I’ve read here…But, from what I’ve read, I will tell you this…do not doubt that you did everything you could. You loved a boy that many would say is “impossible to love.” You gave him a safe environment. You gave him everything you possibly could to help. And sometimes, that just isn’t enough. Sometimes kids need more help than a family can give them. Sometimes they need to be surrounded with professionals (which is funny since our agency always tells us that resource parents are “professional parents”) who can devote 24 hours a day to one single child. Who can monitor and adjust medications. Who can provide daily therapy if needed.

    You didn’t fail him. You would have failed him by not loving him, by not doing absolutely everything you could to help, up to and including acknowledging that he needs more help and getting it for him. You didn’t fail him.

    Hopefully the residential treatment center will be exactly what he needs. Hopefully he will walk away from it and be ready to enter a forever home a little more adjusted. And he will remember how you loved him. Kid never forget things like that.


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