Parenting is hard work! It’s even harder when the child hasn’t always been yours. My biological children have always been with me. If they are afraid of dogs, I know why. If they don’t feel well, I recognize the signs. When they are having a bad day, I know what to expect. I don’t wonder what all they have endured in their little lives. I never think that a certain thing they say or do is a direct result of being starved and neglected.
My heart hurts. I want to do what is right for him and what is right for my family. There are always doubts, what if the parent judges are right? I’m not sleeping much these days and my anxiety is at an all time high. Some days I think things are getting better and other days, I’m not so sure.
Yesterday I made Evan sit in time out after breaking several toys that don’t belong to him. He did his usual and threw a tantrum because he didn’t want to go to time out. Then he yelled at me “I don’t like you!” I’ve been at this mom game for over 13 years and words like these still sting! I told him it’s okay if he doesn’t like me, he was still having a time out. A few minutes later he told me he loves me.
He had therapy yesterday and all of the people that work at the agency were telling my husband and I how much he has changed since being in care. They say he has really progressed. This gives me hope that things will soon start to get better.